A change that is not of time

Surely, this is the fundamental question that one ought to put to oneself—how to bring about a change which is not of time, which is not a matter of evolution, which is not a matter of slow growth. I can see that if I exercise will, control, if I discipline myself, there are certain modifications; I am better or worse, I am changed a little bit. Instead of being bad tempered or angry or vicious or jealous I am quiet; I have repressed all that, I have held it down. Every day I practise a certain virtue, repeat certain words, go to a shrine and repeat certain chants, and so on and so on. They all have a pacifying effect; they produce certain changes but these changes are still of the mind, they are still within the field of time, are they not? My memory says, “I am this, and I must become that.” Surely, such activity is still self-centred; though I deny greed, in seeking non-greed I am still within the self-enclosing process of the “me”. And I can see that it leads nowhere, do what I will; though there may be change, as long as my thinking is held within the process of the “me”, there is no freedom from struggle, pain.
- JK